Nearly sixteen years ago now the Lord brought to pass the greatest event of my life, aside from my salvation experience of course, and that event was the day that I married my sweet wife. I was nineteen years old and she was eighteen. We didn't know much, but what we did know mattered. We knew the Lord, we knew we loved each other, and we knew that God's will was for us to be together. So, we stepped out in faith, trusted the Lord, made our vows and before a congregation of people we became husband and wife. Since that time we both have learned much, experientially, about marriage. We've grown in many areas. Now, as a pastor I deal with marital issues in a variety of capacities. There are times that I counsel with couples and attempt to minister to them through some areas of difficulty. Unfortunately, I've seen many marriages end in divorce. These matters present some issues to the church. What does the Bible teach about marriage? Is divorce always wrong, or are there some allowable (Biblically) circumstances? Can a person who has been divorced be remarried?
In our day and time, considering that more than half of all marriages end in divorce, this potentially presents some problems for the church. However, I believe that we can go to Scripture, which is the sole authority on the matter and find the answers that we're looking for. I'm going to begin with a discussion on marriage, and will then move to the matter of divorce, and finally I'll discuss the issue of remarriage.
First, let's talk about Biblical marriage. It must be stated that the institution of marriage is in fact the creation of the God of the Bible. The general description of a husband and wife being created for one another is found in Genesis 1: 26-28. The more detailed description of God's creation of marriage is found in Genesis 2: 18-25. As part of God's creative work He made man in His image and made woman to be his wife. In other words God performed the first wedding ceremony by creating the first man and woman and uniting them together as husband and wife. Of course the language of the text in Genesis 2 makes this clear: God had made the woman "... and brought her to the man... therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife..." This is marriage, this is what God created. Speaking on the subject, pastor and author John MacArthur states, "Marriage was God's plan, not man's. In the deepest sense, every couple that has ever been married participates in a union established by the Creator Himself. Marriage, therefore, is a divine institution."
Of course, as is often the case, the creation and intention of God becomes distorted either by Satan's schemes or by man's self-serving pride. Polygamy is one such distortion. Polygamy is a general term referring to multiple spouses. Polyndadry refers to a woman married to multiple husbands. Polygany refers to one man married to multiple wives. Of course, those who teach such a distorted view of marriage are, more often than not, men who teach polygany (one man with multiple wives). I was once told that it is only in this western, American culture that polygany is not accepted. It is Biblical and generally accepted around the world. It was even said that the Bible was filled with dozens and dozens of verses that not only endorsed polygany but in fact commanded it. I suppose this person hadn't read Leviticus 18:18 where the Old Testament Law forbids such a practice. I was thinking to myself, 'uumm, no it's not Biblical'; and I wanted to take that person to the nations of the eastern cultures where I have done some mission and work where polygany is supposedly 'accepted.' I would have liked to have that person speak to some wives that I have spoken to. I would have liked for that person to have heard about the bitterness, the jealousy, the hatred and the outright detestation that women have, not only, towards polygany in cultures where it is supposedly 'accepted,' but also towards one another because of the practice. I would have liked for that person to have heard the hurt and humiliation in the voices of these women who, because of this sinful practice, are often treated more like property than people. Then, of course, there is the Scripture. Those who support polygany often like to site the people in the Bible that God used, yet, who practiced polygany. Of course they fail to recognize that just because the Bible mentions a practice doesn't mean it endorses that practice. In the Genesis account of the marriage creation we're told that God created "... them male and female..." Jesus quotes this in Matthew 19: 4 when He speaks in response to the Pharisees questions concerning marriage and divorce. The words "... male and female..." both in the Hebrew as written in the Genesis account and in the Greek as quoted by Jesus in Matthew 19 are emphatic. This is significant and can not be over looked. Those who try to use Scripture and people in Scripture who practiced polygany often over look this very important detail. Being emphatic, these words would be literally translated "the one male and the one female." And according to what Jesus says in Matthew 19: 4 this has been God's intention for His creation of marriage from the beginning: 'the one male for the one female' or to say it another way: one man for one woman for one life time; not one woman with several husbands, and not one man with several wives. God's creation of marriage, Biblically, consists of one man and one woman.
Obviously, the Biblical view of marriage also contradicts what is perhaps the most popular distortion of marriage today which is what is being called "gay marriage." I can not be emphatic enough on this point. No where in the Bible will you find an endorsement of homosexuality. In both Old and New Testaments homosexuality is clearly condemned as an abomination before the Lord (1 Cor. 6:9, Lev. 18:22; 20:13). So, the term 'gay marriage' is not even applicable in the Biblical sense because the Bible explicitly condemns the practice of homosexuality.
Time and space would fail me to try and attempt to address, at length, the matters of believer's married to unbelievers, interracial marriages, etc. There are some who would argue that these relationships are not to be recognized by the church as Biblical marriages. I would contend that to say such a thing is to say more than Scripture says. If there is something that would do us all well in the church, it would be to speak where the Bible speaks, but also to be silent where the Bible is silent. Marriage is God's institution. It is His creation. He ceremonially brought together the first man and woman and joined them together in holy matrimony. Biblically speaking, marriage is the relationship between one man and one woman ceremonially brought (or the joining) together by the governing authorities as modeled for us in the first marriage, between Adam and Eve, officiated by the Lord Himself back in Genesis.
Now let's discuss the matter of divorce. I need to first put forth a disclaimer: it is simply impossible, especially in a blog format, to be exhaustive concerning any of these subjects. My intent is not to be exhaustive, but as best I can and as simply as I can put forth my opinion of these subjects as I understand the Scripture. So, there you have the disclaimer.
To begin I think it best to point out exactly how the Lord feels about divorce. In Malachi 2: 16 Scripture states: "... For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce. For it covers one's garment with violence, Says the Lord of Hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously..." I'm not sure that it could be made more clear, and I don't think that much explanation is required. God hates divorce plain and simple!
Today, there are four basic views on divorce: First, some say that divorce and remarriage is allowable under any circumstance, for any body and at any time. Secondly, there are those who say that divorce is not Biblically allowed for anyone, in any circumstance at any time. Third, others teach that divorce is allowable under some circumstances but remarriage is never allowed. And finally, some teach that both divorce and remarriage are allowable in certain circumstances.
Divorce is first mentioned in the Scripture in the book of Deuteronomy 24. There the Scripture allowed the man to write a certificate of divorce for the woman if, "... she finds no favor in his eyes, because he has found some uncleanness in her..." vs. 1. Of course, "... finds no favor..." and "... uncleanness..." are matters men have debated since Moses recorded the words on parchment. The certificate of divorce here served as proof that the marriage had been dissolved completely and the man and the woman were free to remarry. As I said men debated what Moses really meant by this. When we come to the days of Jesus' earthly ministry we find that the Jewish leadership was divided into two primary camps. One camp was led by the teachings of Rabbi Shammai, who taught that divorce was never permissible under any circumstances. The other camp was led by the teachings of Rabbi Hillel who taught that a man could divorce his wife for, even, the most trivial reasons such as: taking her hair down in public, talking to other men, burning the bread or putting too much salt in the food. Jesus confronted the false teachings and traditions of men with the heart of God in the matter.
In Matthew 5, what is commonly called the 'sermon on the mount' Jesus, briefly, and without much explanation contradicts both views that were common in His day. In vs. 31-32 He says, "... Furthermore it has been said, 'whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason accept sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery..." Here, the Lord confronts the liberal and lustful view that a man could divorce his wife for any reason at all, stating that the only reason allowable for divorce is "... sexual immorality..." Porneia is the Greek word used here, which has a broad range of meanings. It is a general term referring to fornication, or illicit sexual intercourse, but it can also refer to a variety of immoral behaviors. It can refer to a moral flaw in one's character (such as an obsessive addiction to pornography), homosexuality, bestiality, premarital sex (such as a man marrying a woman and then discovering that she was not a virgin) and even more heinous sexually perverted acts than this. The context and the spirit of what Jesus says suggests that the Lord is speaking of serious sins of infidelity. The verses focus on marriage and divorce, it would therefore seem obvious that the Lord is talking about adultery. However, we must recognize that 'porneia' while it is not the primary word used for adultery in the Greek New Testament, does include adultery in its meaning along with a host of other sexually immoral and perverted sins. So, in this statement the Lord declares that divorce is allowable, but only for the reason of sexual immorality (porneia). Sorry Rabbi Shammai, but you are wrong. Jesus says under certain circumstances, divorce is allowable. On the other hand, Jesus makes it clear that this (sexual immorality, porneia) is the only reason divorce is allowable. Sorry Rabbi Hillel, you are wrong. Divorce is not permissible for just any reason. The no fault divorce permitted in our society is unBiblical, ungodly and is helping to undermine the very fabric of our society. Again, we find yet another instance of men dividing into their 'camps' of belief, only to discover that Jesus sides with neither. The Lord doesn't take one side or another; the Lord takes over!
Jesus addresses the matter again in Matthew 19. In this instance He reveals more details from the heart of God concerning marriage and divorce. As was often the case the Pharisees followed Jesus around presenting Him with questions attempting to challenge Him. And here their question is "... Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason..." vs. 3. Jesus responds with Scripture. He takes them all the way back to the Genesis account: "... Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?' So, then they are no longer two but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate..." vs. 4-6. In other words, to their question Jesus was saying NO! The heart of God, the desire of God, the intention of God from the beginning was that one man would marry one woman and that they would remain married for their entire life time. God's will and intent is that they should not separate! Those two become one before the Lord. And if that wasn't clear enough, in the remainder of the passage Jesus makes it crystal clear. The Pharisees then asked why Moses allowed a man to write his wife a certificate of divorce. and Jesus responds in vs. 8 & 9 saying, "... Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, BUT FROM THE BEGINNING IT WAS NOT SO. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery..." Could it possibly be any clearer? As the Word of God declares through the prophet Malachi, "... God hates divorce..." Jesus is essentially saying the very same thing. There may be reasons that God allows divorce, but the fact is He hates it! No where in God's Word does the Bible command, endorse or speak positively of divorce! In fact, it is divorce, according to the Scripture that promotes and perpetuates adultery.
In today's uncommitted society it would do every man and woman well to hear and heed the Word of God. When you make a commitment of marriage, you had better be prepared to be committed for a life time! And even, in the instance of sexual immorality (porneia) you better pray long and hard before divorce is even considered. Remember the grace that God has extended to you in your sin and extend that same grace to your spouse when they have sinned against you. Consider the outcome and effects divorce will have on the rest of your life. Consider that even though God may allow it, He does not want it! Divorce, should be avoided if at all possible and should be considered only after all means of reconciliation and counseling have been completely and totally exhausted.
Finally, let's address the issue of remarriage following divorce. Recently, I was confronted with this issue which has provoked the writing of this blog. Does the Bible allow for remarriage after divorce? Let me again put forth a disclaimer: the Bible should be studied in context. A word should be studied in context of a verse or sentence; a verse or sentence should be studied in context of a passage or chapter; a passage or chapter should be studied in context of a book; and a book should be studied in the context of the whole Bible. Context is essential in helping the believer to rightly divide the Word of truth!
So, does the Scripture allow for remarriage after divorce? Again, some would say no, not under any circumstance. Others would say yes, under any circumstance. I say, let's look at the Scripture, as a whole. The language of Deuteronomy 24 certainly seems to allow for remarriage. On the other hand Jesus' language in Matthew 5 is much more strict, indicating that a woman (innocent of adultery) divorced by her husband is provoked into adultery by remarriage; and that if a man were to marry a divorced woman (one who was guilty of adultery) is in fact committing adultery through remarriage. Virtually the same language is used by Jesus in Matthew 19. This would seem to indicate that the man who divorces his wife Biblically (for sexual immorality) is free to remarry as long as the bride to be is a woman who has never been married before. Furthermore, the woman who is divorced, whether innocent or guilty of sexual immorality is not free to remarry. She would be considered an adulteress. Taken at face value that is what these Scriptures teach; and under just about any other circumstance there would need to be for further discussion. However, there are other passages to consider, which also provide further explanation of the subject. Remember Scripture must be understood as a whole. All of the Bible, from Genesis through Revelation is the inerrant, infallible, inspired Word of God.
1 Corinthians 7 speaks to the issue. This passage addresses a number of things one of which concerns a marriage which may consist of a believer and an unbeliever. It is made clear that as long as the two are willing to remain married that they should in fact remain married. A believer should not divorce their spouse simply because they are not Christian. But in vs. 15 the Bible goes on to say, "... But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases..." The Greek for "... is not under bondage..." ou dedoulootai (transliteration), is very strong language. The meaning is clearly that willful desertion on the part on the part of the unbelieving spouse sets the other party free. They are in no way held to blame or captive concerning restrictions on remarriage. They are free. So, is Paul contradicting Jesus? Absolutely not! If he were writing his own thoughts then perhaps an argument could made concerning that, but considering that Paul is writing under the guidance and the inspiration of the Holy Spirit we know these Words are just as much the Word of God as are the Word of Christ. The Holy Spirit is simply expanding and giving greater light into the mind of God. Just as the New Testament further reveals the truth of the Old Testament, what is said here in 1 Corinthians further reveals the meaning of what Jesus spoke of in the gospels. And so, I would contend that when a non-Christian divorces a Christian, the Christian believer is free to remarry.
Furthermore, consider the case when divorce has occurred prior to salvation. I would ask the question: how can anyone be held accountable for sin they committed prior to salvation? Are all our sins forgiven accept marital sins? I say no! 2 Corinthians 5: 17 says, "... Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new..." This pastor would say that remarriage is allowable, certainly, in the case when divorce has occurred prior to a genuine salvation experience. One can not limit the atoning power of the blood of Christ; and to say that remarriage is not allowable because of divorce prior to salvation, in my opinion nullifies the work of the cross.
Of course, I can not address every issue of divorce that rises. Scripture doesn't even do this. However, one thing that was said to me was that God doesn't recognize remarriage as marriage when divorce has taken place, especially concerning divorced women. It is interesting to me to think on this while reading of Jesus' encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4. After some conversation the Lord says to her in vs. 16-18, "... Go call your husband, and come here. The woman answered and said, 'I have no husband.' Jesus said to her, 'You have well said, I have no husband, for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly..." A couple of interesting things are present here: first, Jesus did not recognize the current, immoral relationship the woman was involved in as marriage. Just because she was living with a man and sexually involved with him did not mean she was married. I wish people today would learn that there is no such thing as common-law marriage! What the world calls common-law marriage (cohabitation) the Bible calls sin! Secondly, it is highly unlikely that this woman had been widowed on five separate occasions, especially considering her current immoral relationship. This woman had been married and divorced. She had been married on five separate occasions and notice how Jesus refers to them: He said to her, "... you have had five husbands..." In other words Jesus recognized the woman's previous relationships as marriages, as wrong as they may have been. I mention this because those who hold to skewed views of marriage, divorce and remarriage would look at some marriage relationships and denounce them as nothing but adulterous relationships that must be ended. I find it difficult to do so in the light of how the Lord addresses this woman. We don't sin to stop sinning.
Now, let me conclude. Again, I must mention that it is impossible to consider every scenario and situation. What I have attempted to do here is to share my thoughts, based on my understanding of what Scripture says, generally, concerning marriage, divorce and remarriage. To summarize: Biblically, marriage is a ceremonial union between one man and one woman, designed, crafted and brought about by God. Concerning divorce: God hates it and it should be avoided , if at all possible. Go to the extreme in reconciliation. However, it is allowable in certain circumstances, which I discussed above. Concerning remarriage: much like divorce it is circumstantial. One must consider the circumstances of the divorce before determination can be made if remarriage is permissible. But Scripture is clear that in certain circumstances remarriage is permissible.
I've enjoyed writing this blog. I hope it is a blessing to you and will challenge you to dig further into the Scripture! God bless you! Until next time remember: JESUS IS LORD!